Friday, 20 June 2008

It's About Time - Day Off

What do I need to be happy?
What does make me happy?

I was watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer yesterday. It’s not that my situation resembles hers or that I resemble her, or that my life is difficult and I also have to fight my enemies. It’s just watching her, when she fights, overcomes her obstacles, makes her decisions and lives with it…she still goes on. People don’t have to agree with her, they don’t have to like her, but she remains true to herself.
It’s not that difficult at the beginning but as the seasons go further, as she grows older…it does.
I need to stay true to myself and believe, that what I am doing is right, that my life is lived by me, not by anyone else and don't let other people plant seeds of doubt in my heart. I don’t want to be a victim of judging myself by someone else's eyes. Through the last couple of years I only thought about other people happiness, contentment, and comfort.
Today, I say – IT’S ENOUGH.
Today I start something different.
While watching Buffy, I felt that it’s about time to stop being the victim of my own doubt, critic and traps I set for myself.
Again I can feel my own strength, which used to help me overcome trouble times, which once let me come to London and begin my own life, my own story here.
It’s been long enough, Spring has come and is gone, Summer is here…it’s time to wake up.

Joy Journal - "sketching in a park"


Anonymous said...

here here!!

odd chick said...

I love old graveyards too. I once heard "you should make every major decision while standing in a graveyard". I think it's so great that you are so young and yet asking yourself the big questions about life. You will never stop asking you know. But it is in the asking that we censor our own mental health, our direction, our goals, and ultimately the dash between our birth and death on our gravestone. Your sketches are just getting better and better!!! tell me about the queen?

Cathy (Kate) Johnson said...

BRAVA, Anetka! It's a lesson we have to keep learning, but it is IMPORTANT. I think perhaps we really can't please others all the time--there are too many differing opinions and experiences out there, and it's only our own vision we can truly know.

I love your sketch...

petescully said...

excellent drawing, really nice

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